Today concludes our series for gentlemen; we’re discussing how to choose your groomsmen. If you read about the problems many grooms encounter (here), you’ll remember that some of these issues can be avoided altogether by being intentional when choosing with whom to stand at your wedding. Brides receive tons of helpful advice about selecting bridesmaids- but again, you gents tend to fall by the wayside.
First, take a look at this guide for forming a practical guest list- it also doubles as a great starting point for how to choose your groomsmen. Of course, discuss bridal party numbers with your fiancé before making any hard and fast decisions; however, ask any coordinator and they’ll confirm that your numbers don’t have to match (In fact, at our own wedding, he had more groomsmen than I had bridesmaids- take a wild guess which of us is the extrovert). With these conditions in mind, proceed with these following tips in mind:
Is He Responsible?
First and foremost, can he handle the duties and expectations of being a groomsman? Not sure what those are? The Man Registry gives us an excellent picture of what the role of groomsman entails. Your wedding is a celebration- but it’s not a frat party; if your friend is prone to reliving his youth when there’s a free bar, then perhaps he (and everyone else in the bridal party) will enjoy himself more as a guest.
Most of all, even if he parties hard or is a prankster… can he be organized? We cannot emphasize this strongly enough- weddings require organization! Is he trustworthy with schedules, errands, money, planning meetings or parties, keeping taps on your emergency kit cleaning up after himself, business before play, and keeping you on task rather than the other way around.
Is He a Team Player?
How does he respond to authority or being “bossed around” by people he doesn’t know? Coordinators, family members, and photographers will all have requests and demands. How does he work with others to accomplish goals? Knowing how to choose your groomsmen isn’t so different from choosing fellow players in sports or colleagues for a project. Teamwork will be required for everything from dressing on the big day, to hauling heavy gifts or chairs- there’s no place for alpha dogs or slackers on the groom’s team!
Is He a Willing to Work Hard?
Like we mentioned above, there’s plenty of hard work involved in the duties of groomsman. Often, they act as taxis for out of town guests, lug wedding gifts, run all the errands, beast of burden for various items, plan and execute parties, clean up after celebrations… there are endless possibilities. Physical, mental, and social stamina are important qualities to look for in a your crew.
Is it Practical for Him?
Finally, this one is all about being considerate of your friend. Can he afford the expenses involved? There are costs such as: tux rental/ purchase, travel, accommodation, food, parties, gifts, and grooming (haircuts, shaves, etc). Beside the financial issue, is he able to commit to attendance? If he lives across the country, is expecting a baby on your wedding day, or is already stressed, think long and hard about whether or not you’re serving your friend well by making this request.
If, after consideration and discussion with your bride, the answer is “no,” see this post about honoring friends and family at your wedding, include him in your bachelor party, or give him another honorary role such as ceremony reader, usher, or spend extra time with him at an after party. Being intentional not only makes your life easier, it also, ultimately, is kinder to your friend.
We hope you found this helpful, and would love to hear your thoughts on how you’ll choose your groomsmen.